Two and a half days of my love, friends, amazing performances, and new(ish) video games, I can’t think of a better way I could have spent my weekend. I swear this weekend disappeared in seconds though, I blinked and it was Sunday. Despite the intense time warp I really enjoyed the weekend. Friday was spent with Alex and Eli and Bryan. We did dinner and then played games and watched most of Sherlock Holmes before we all got too tired. I love hanging out with them! It makes me so happy that Alex and Eli really like Bryan and vice versa.

Saturday Bryan and I went out to lunch and then to the farmers market where I found some great little Christmas gifts for people. I really enjoy buying local and supporting small businesses. My goal is to do the majority of my shopping at local businesses (I am going to go to Pikes Place Market when I get home). I don’t think Bryan realizes how many points he got for going to Fall into Dance with me. He volunteered to go as well. I didn’t have to ask at all. He said that he had never been to a dance show and that he was curious. It wasn’t his cup of tea (I knew it wouldn’t be) but he still enjoyed himself. I am just glad he was willing to try something new and didn’t make a fuss about going with me. I typically contain my emotions around my friends because I am sure they don’t want to hear me blathering on and on about Bryan so I am going to spill my guts here. He makes me ridiculously happy. There is something about his personality that clicks so well with mine and everything flows so well when we are together. He is an absolutely amazing person and I feel so lucky that I get to have him in my life. I know we may not be together forever and I am not banking on that. I am simply happy to be with him right now and enjoying the possibility. (But if it does work that way because I know we both want it too than I certainly won’t complain =])

I can’t believe it but I am playing WoW again. I forgot how much fun it is!! It makes Bryan really happy that I am playing again, he loves the fact that I enjoy videogames and I enjoy just sitting next to him and hanging out. Say what you want about videogames but they are a ton of fun and a great way to bond with people. I really enjoy nerding out for a few hours.


/happy dances I am sooooooooooooooo excited for Christmas!!!!! I can’t wait to go home, decorate the tree, listen to Christmas music and bake cookies. Break is going to be super chill and fun and it wraps up nicely with my 21st birthday. My life may not be the most exciting or elaborate and I am not have a never ending list of friends and acquaintances but I am truly happy with how my life is going and the people in my life. I feel confident that I will end up quite happily where I want to be.

"Well the weather outside is frightful but the fire is so delightful and sense there's no place to go let it snow let it snow let it snow. when we finally kiss goodnight how i hate going out in the storm, but if you really hold me tight all the way home I'll be warm!"

I caved and listened to some "Christmas" music before Thanksgiving. I have been trying to stick to stuff that is more holiday season and doesn't mention Christmas until face stuffing day has passed

I am so excited for Thanksgiving break and then winter/Christmas break after that. I love the holiday season! I love being with friends and family, I love cooking and listening to holiday music. I love picking out special presents for people. There will be a ton of my mom's family up for Thanksgiving and then Josh and the three kids, Joey, and Sara and Andy will be up right after Christmas!! It will be so great!

Break always holds a special weekend when Bryan's family will be out of town and he is unable to go because of his lung so he is staying home and I am going to stay with him for a few days. He loves to tell me how excited he is to have me over and to just get to spend time with me. It gives me the warm holiday fuzzies ^^

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I Don't Post Much...

Bread is baking so my apartment currently smells amazing! (And yes, I do realize it is 11:35 the night before school starts =P). I have spent the last 4 days socializing with my co-workers for "training" and basically getting back in to the swing of life here in Bellingham. I am so happy to be back at work and interacting with a ton of new staff that will make this year super fun in the AS/VU.

Classes actually start tomorrow and I am ready to get my brain back in action! No more of this summertime slacking. Despite how much I love this school life I now live for the weekends (again). I found a new boy who is amazingly wonderful but of course he doesn't live around here and of course he is from the valley. You CAN'T escape the valley! But this time I really don't mind. Two more full days of new experiences and hanging out with friends before an awesome weekend with the boy. As cheesy as it sounds life is great right now! It will be even better when my other roomie moves in so I can live with my two best friends. I am so happy I am almost annoying myself =P

Last night was amazing. I went to a potluck that some people on the Western forums decided to put on so the people who post and/or stalk the forums the most could all meet up and chill. I was super nervous to go because I am not always such a fan of meeting new people because I get very shy and I am unable to act like myself. But this time I forced myself to go and talk and socialize and not worry about what others may think but to just let myself be me. And yes, it worked very very well. Those were my people! Geeky and nerdy to the extreme yet still very socially aware and hilarious! I found that I will befriend the types of guys (and girls) I enjoy spending time with if I let the nerd out and talk about video games and the rules of the internet. In the end I was actually glad I went alone. I feel it is something that I needed to do so I wouldn't use any of my friends as a crutch. If they had come along I most likely would not have talked as much and not had any of the same experiences, and boy were some of those experience one for Rachel's record books. I went places and did things out of my normal comfort zone but I have absolutely no regrets about any of it because it was way too much fun and hell, you only live once! Overall it was a great experience I finally feel like I have a bit more confidence that I have been lacking all year to talk with people and I met some awesome people who I hope I am actually able to become friends with in the future.

Spring has Sprung

Today was very wonderful! Instead of going on our "run" as we had planned my dear friend and I decided to go on a hike in the sunshine. It was so wonderful to get outside in the woods again. The forest was incredibly refreshing and we enjoyed a lovely little lunch on the shores of Fragrance Lake. On the way back down the trail we took the offshoot path to a lookout over Bellingham and Sammish Bays. It was stunning. We just sat their in silence for a while taking in the views. The best part for me is that it was just warm enough up there to get the warm pine and plant scents which are some of my favorites and bring me back to so many lovely memories. I absolutely cannot wait for summer to get here!

Currently I am craving a new journal. I do not need one seeing as how I do not use the ones I have. But I want one none-the-less to fuel my journal and pen addictions =P Perhaps next weekends expedition home will be fruitful and yield a journal. Speaking of home I am surprised at how much a seem to be going home this quarter. I have not gone home so regularly in a while. But I am missing more than normal (blame spring and memories associated with it) some awesome people back in the valley and in weird ways I am missing the valley itself. Sometimes Bellingham still does not feel like home so much as just a fun place to live. It is also luck for me that the weekends I go home are weekends before chem homework is do so I can have my dad help explain things to me while spending some time with him.

To people or not to people?

I have been fluctuating a lot being enjoying peoples company and absolutley hating being around them (and I mean people in general). I don't know how many times I must learn this lesson but it seems one I am doomed to repeat until the end of time. Someday I will learn that it is really best just to keep my mouth shut and keep my hands to myself. Maybe it is just my introverted self saying this but it seems better to just stay slightly aloof from people. Or maybe it is just the part of me that once I have decided I like you and I am going to be close to you I give it my all and I am always hurt when people don't care for me as much. So then I retreat into my shell to be aloof to people until someone comes along and the cycle repeats itself. I am pretty sure this sounds rather emo but that is not what I am going for. I am just making some observations.

I love being a brain ninja. I freaking love it. I do have a talent for it which makes things so entertaining. It seems like such a cruel thing to take pride in but it couldn't make me happier. =)

*pokes around in the woodwork*

Hello? Umm...I just wanted to tell you to stop sending all the assholes and losers my way. I am not the type of girl who falls for them. And putting bows on there heads doesn't help so it is really just a waste of your time. I keep telling you you have the wrong address and they cost a shitton in postage to send back to you. Besides the constant confusion you have had me on hold for quite awhile.

You know what I like and what I am looking for so I am not really sure what all the confusion is. So I just have one question. Can I have my nice boy now? I know you keep them hiding in there and I would really appreciate it if you got the address right this time. I hope you got that.

....hello?

Tree Hugger

I am a tree hugger
a tree lover
I hold the hands of the leaves
that hold me high
I soar on the sharp scent
of Pines and Firs
I walk the woodland floor
needles drifting to my hair
Trees whisper
Stay
Stay
Stay and learn to love and listen
as none but the eternal forest can

THE SENATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am SO ECSTATIC!!!!! The amazing, awesome, wonderful and entirely epic band The Senate came and performed at my school tonight!! This is their second to last concert as the three of them are going on to seperate projects. It is so sad that this will be the last time I get to see them for awhile but what a concert to end on! It was energetic, loud, and full of hippie dances ^^ I couldn't have asked for a better way to spend my night! Thank you Andrew, Nick, and Oliver! You three are awesome and your music always makes me completely happy and just want to dance! Can't wait to see your reunion tour =D

A Bit of Art

My last post was about the creativity everyday challenge and I have obviously not posted any sort of art but that does not mean I have been completely idle. For my art class at school we had to create six different collage pieces based off of an "object" that held some emotional response for us. Our teacher is really into the interpretive and personal side of art so we could literally do anything about anything. I chose my childhood home as it holds a lot of memories for me. Most of what I did is not based on specific memories but more of feelings and moods I get thinking about that part of my past.

In my opinion this is the best piece that I did and I couldn't be happier with how it turned out. All the collages look better in person by the way haha.










This would be my second favorite piece. A bit of watercolor stuff. It isn't perfect but I was really trying to capture the color of the memory more than the physical images.











A very childlike view of a garden. Made with ripped up pieces of construction paper and mod-podge.

Well that was an interesting night. It started off normal enough but, as you can see from the previous statement, ended up rather different. I spent the day on a hike/walk which was great because I don't get outside as much as I would like. A lovely day was followed by a dinner of homemade pad se ew and it was delicious!! I never would have guess it was so easy! yum! ^^ There was way too much sugar for dessert and whiskey in the hot cocoa but I survived haha. What made the night so "unique" was when I drove my friend home at 1:40am and we pulled up outside their house and proceeded to talk for a bit. Nothing unusual in this as we do it a lot. After about 10 minutes I just happened to look in my rear-view mirror and see two boys walking down the street with a bike. At first I just thought they were stupid teenagers wandering about until they ditched the bike and started looking into all the cars parked on the street with a flashlight. They walked by the my car and looked very unhappy to see us there walked by and flipped us off all while giving us a direct look at his face (didn't matter in the end but still a stupid move). I was already calling the police at this time who transferred to about 4 different lines before giving me to the right dispatcher who took my information.

At this point the boys had walked over to the gas station and I figured they were long gone and so it was a bit silly to be finishing my report but I did. We stayed in the car out of nervousness (I got jumpy because I have never actually had to call the cops) until we saw a police officer drive by in a big SUV with a search light on the side. He stopped at the bike and moved it out of the street and we got out of the car (friends idea not mine) and told him we made the report. He informed us that another police officer had the boys over at the gas station. I was very happy they caught they and really surprised they were still there...okay not that surprised if you are going around looking for cars to break into you are not that smart to begin with. All in all my interesting night makes for a rather uninteresting post but that's ok. It is late and I wanted to ramble =P

Creativity Everyday

As I was ignoring my homework and randomly hunting through peoples blogs (which led me to another and then another and possibly another) I came across a delightful little challenge. The Creative Every Day Challenge is a fun and un-imposing sounding challenge to, well, be creative everyday in anyway at all. I doubt I will have time to do something worth talking about everyday but I hope that this will inspire me to be a bit more....creative (I was hoping for a different word haha). I am taking a conceptual art class here at school but I don't think I will count that towards this personal challenge; even though it is very nice to take 1-2 hours just to draw and completely screw around on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Lets see what happens! =)

Note: The January challenge idea (which is a completely optional to use) is - Body

Mmm Eye Candy =D

"I gotta feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good, good night

A feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good, good night

A feeling, woohoo, that tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good, good night"

-Black Eyed Peas "I Gotta Feeling"

Tonight is chill and girly! I needed tonight and I love it! We watched "What a Girl Wants" and I am curling my already curly hair lol. I also got to ogle a very fine man specimen and dinner (with a very cute butt ^^ teehee) so it made dinner very nice. I am not usually this girly and it is fun =)

Wheeeee

YES! Things worked out today!! Which is fanfreakintastic (fan-freakin-tastic hahaha)!! Because I have a hard time expressing my emotions when I am not in the midst of them I sat down and wrote a "letter" thing to my best friend about what has been happening and what has been bugging me that may impede our ability to live together. I was really worried that she would a) freak out on me or b) just get very pissed off and walk away. But neither happened! She took it really well and was happy I told her so we had a good talk about it =) We also invited one of our best friends and my roommate from last year to live with us next year and she was ecstatic! Things are really looking good for the future and that takes a lot of stress off my shoulders!

I also got an amazing shirt =) It makes me smile!
It says "Love does not discriminate...neither should we"

Random Writings of Latest Happenings

Today was an odd combination of stress and relief. I have a math test on Friday and I am struggling more and more with the material and it is only the 3rd week of the quarter. I also have a microeconomics midterm coming up soon and I really don't get that. I feel that I am just really being scatterbrained and forgetting a lot of important things. Step one in fixing this stress is definitely going to be to clean my room and remove some of the clutter that has accumulated since Sunday. Going to the tutoring center was certainly a good idea today. I now actually understand some of my math homework and I hope that when I review/study tomorrow things will really click and I will pass the test.

Currently I am being plagued by a boy who glomps onto and falls in love with any girl that is remotely nice to him. I was that girl unfortunately. I told him that I wouldn't date him and yet he seems to persist which is very annoying. On happy note though this weekend was marvelous! I went down to Seattle and Pike Place Market for a bit where I bought some tea that I am going to give my dad for his birthday. He wanted to try whatever type(s) of tea I enjoy. I bought 1-2 ounces each of Ginger Lemon, Peach Apricot Honeybush, and a 2nd Flush Darjeeling. They all smell amazing and I tried the Peach Apricot Honeybush and it is really good! What was so lovely about the trip is that I got to hang out with one of my favorite people in the world! Being with him and talking really helped me to face some of my worries and realize how irrational I was being. I know we might not have it all figured out and that's fine. But things are on the right track and from where I am standing right now everything will be ok =)

One final note. Last Friday a few of my friends and myself went to an awesome place called Creativitea for my birthday where you can paint pottery, fuse glass, and drink tea. All of the prices are very reasonable and we had a great time! It was a happy birthday expect for the 4/7 girls who left early because they can't got a day without seeing their boyfriends. Not even for their best friends birthday. ANYWAY I don't care about that because I got an awesome mug out of the deal and a wonderful dinner and walk with two amazing girls =)

This will be angsty

I am feeling like I can't take this anymore. It is only the 1st week of winter quarter and I am already stressed out of my mind. It wouldn't be so bad if I could drop the class I hate and not have to worry about it but I have to fill that spot with something and I don't feel like I should be wasting anymore time/credits. I know college is about finding yourself but I wish it didn't come at such a high price. And mostly I am feeling super alone here. All of my "friends" are very busy with school and boyfriends and they just seem to not care. I am sure they do to some degree but if they did my supposed best friend would give me more of 1.5 hours of her time which she spent doing homework so she could go see her boyfriend. Every time I walk back into my dorm the roommate is on the phone to her boyfriend for hours.

Speaking of boyfriends, I lost mine (no big surprise why I feel such a surge of loneliness). I decided not to call or text him (yea we want to be friends, explain why later). I wanted to see what would happen and if he didn't call or text I would have my answers. He hasn't yet and I don't have any hopes that he will. 2 years and 7 months gone in three days. He has moved on and it isn't my job to keep us connected. He made so many promises. How he loved me and always would and that he would wait for me to finish college before we decided to move on from there. I believed him. I want to believe him still but I don't know if I can. Maybe he is upset and this hurts him too but he never shows his emotions so to the best of my knowledge he is doing just fine now. Even when I told him we were ending (yes. it was my fault). He just said he was "sad". I don't want to bash him but I can't imagine 2.7 years just going away and being fine in three days unless a lot of it never mattered.

So here I sit still glancing at my phone waiting for a sign that I still matter to him. *sighs* I sound like a pathetic high school girl but that is how it is. I am lost, stressed, hurt, confused, and lonely and I have no one to talk to and no one to hug.

" Forever and ever the scars will remain. I am falling apart. Leave me here forever in the dark." - Give me a Sign by Breaking Benjamin