Wheeeee

YES! Things worked out today!! Which is fanfreakintastic (fan-freakin-tastic hahaha)!! Because I have a hard time expressing my emotions when I am not in the midst of them I sat down and wrote a "letter" thing to my best friend about what has been happening and what has been bugging me that may impede our ability to live together. I was really worried that she would a) freak out on me or b) just get very pissed off and walk away. But neither happened! She took it really well and was happy I told her so we had a good talk about it =) We also invited one of our best friends and my roommate from last year to live with us next year and she was ecstatic! Things are really looking good for the future and that takes a lot of stress off my shoulders!

I also got an amazing shirt =) It makes me smile!
It says "Love does not discriminate...neither should we"

Random Writings of Latest Happenings

Today was an odd combination of stress and relief. I have a math test on Friday and I am struggling more and more with the material and it is only the 3rd week of the quarter. I also have a microeconomics midterm coming up soon and I really don't get that. I feel that I am just really being scatterbrained and forgetting a lot of important things. Step one in fixing this stress is definitely going to be to clean my room and remove some of the clutter that has accumulated since Sunday. Going to the tutoring center was certainly a good idea today. I now actually understand some of my math homework and I hope that when I review/study tomorrow things will really click and I will pass the test.

Currently I am being plagued by a boy who glomps onto and falls in love with any girl that is remotely nice to him. I was that girl unfortunately. I told him that I wouldn't date him and yet he seems to persist which is very annoying. On happy note though this weekend was marvelous! I went down to Seattle and Pike Place Market for a bit where I bought some tea that I am going to give my dad for his birthday. He wanted to try whatever type(s) of tea I enjoy. I bought 1-2 ounces each of Ginger Lemon, Peach Apricot Honeybush, and a 2nd Flush Darjeeling. They all smell amazing and I tried the Peach Apricot Honeybush and it is really good! What was so lovely about the trip is that I got to hang out with one of my favorite people in the world! Being with him and talking really helped me to face some of my worries and realize how irrational I was being. I know we might not have it all figured out and that's fine. But things are on the right track and from where I am standing right now everything will be ok =)

One final note. Last Friday a few of my friends and myself went to an awesome place called Creativitea for my birthday where you can paint pottery, fuse glass, and drink tea. All of the prices are very reasonable and we had a great time! It was a happy birthday expect for the 4/7 girls who left early because they can't got a day without seeing their boyfriends. Not even for their best friends birthday. ANYWAY I don't care about that because I got an awesome mug out of the deal and a wonderful dinner and walk with two amazing girls =)

This will be angsty

I am feeling like I can't take this anymore. It is only the 1st week of winter quarter and I am already stressed out of my mind. It wouldn't be so bad if I could drop the class I hate and not have to worry about it but I have to fill that spot with something and I don't feel like I should be wasting anymore time/credits. I know college is about finding yourself but I wish it didn't come at such a high price. And mostly I am feeling super alone here. All of my "friends" are very busy with school and boyfriends and they just seem to not care. I am sure they do to some degree but if they did my supposed best friend would give me more of 1.5 hours of her time which she spent doing homework so she could go see her boyfriend. Every time I walk back into my dorm the roommate is on the phone to her boyfriend for hours.

Speaking of boyfriends, I lost mine (no big surprise why I feel such a surge of loneliness). I decided not to call or text him (yea we want to be friends, explain why later). I wanted to see what would happen and if he didn't call or text I would have my answers. He hasn't yet and I don't have any hopes that he will. 2 years and 7 months gone in three days. He has moved on and it isn't my job to keep us connected. He made so many promises. How he loved me and always would and that he would wait for me to finish college before we decided to move on from there. I believed him. I want to believe him still but I don't know if I can. Maybe he is upset and this hurts him too but he never shows his emotions so to the best of my knowledge he is doing just fine now. Even when I told him we were ending (yes. it was my fault). He just said he was "sad". I don't want to bash him but I can't imagine 2.7 years just going away and being fine in three days unless a lot of it never mattered.

So here I sit still glancing at my phone waiting for a sign that I still matter to him. *sighs* I sound like a pathetic high school girl but that is how it is. I am lost, stressed, hurt, confused, and lonely and I have no one to talk to and no one to hug.

" Forever and ever the scars will remain. I am falling apart. Leave me here forever in the dark." - Give me a Sign by Breaking Benjamin

Notebook Stories Moleskin Giveaway

Lately I have been discovering a lot of really great contests through the blogs I follow. One of the best by far is the contest from Notebook Stories who are giving away 2010 Moleskin planners. I am very excited to enter this contest and have some chance at winning one of these amazing products. It would be such an epic Happy Holidays to me present hehehe! But I am sure other people would love to enter so here is the website and good luck!!

http://www.notebookstories.com/2009/11/29/review-giveaway-moleskine-color-a-month-2010-planner/

Thanksgiving Cooking

Hopefully everyone had a wonderful thanksgiving or simply a wonderful Thursday. I actually forced my way into the crazy and overly crowded kitchen this year to whip up some tasty treats!
I made pecan pie as I usually do each year and it was met with much appreciation from the family. At the request of my mother added some rum to the pie which I feel detracts from the dish but that is probably just because I don't enjoy any alcohol in any of my food =P. I also made some rolls for the dinner instead of just using the store bought kind. Everyone loved them and thought they tasted really good. Unfortunately they did not come out looking how I wanted them too. They were not the delicious golden brown color but I am going to blame this on our fussy oven because I can hahaha. http://therepressedpastrychef.com/2009/06/06/basic-dinner-rolls/

I also made some wassail juice/cider. It was SO good! I cooked it a crock pot so it stayed hot all day long. the recipe is as follows

8 cups apple juice/cider (I used the kind that isn't from concentrate so it has a milky color)
2 cups cranberry juice
3/4 cup sugar (this made it a bit too sweet for my taste)
2 cinnamon sticks
1tsp Allspice
1 orange
Whole cloves

Set the crockpot to high and pour in the apple juice, cranberry juice, sugar, cinnamon sticks, and all spice. Stud the orange with the cloves maybe 25-30, I didn't count how many I used. Allow the whole mixture to simmer together for an hour and then turn the heat down and keep it warm. The lovely thing is that you can't over cook it. I got this recipe from a lovely website on yuletide celebrations and unfortunately I cannot recall it at this point.

Overall it was a lovely holiday. The family was loud and crazy as always and I have to figure out how to entertain teenage boys tomorrow but it is always a lot of fun and a good holiday overall.

What I am Thankful for (a short list):

• Spell check because it is late I am having issues.
• The chance to go to college and earn an education in something I am interested in without going into debt.
• My parents who love me and support me no matter what I choose to do.
• A love who always listens with interest, supports my decisions, travels and hikes with me, enjoys trying new foods, and who always makes me feel safe and loved.
• Free speech and my rights to choose how I live and what I believe.
• Love and acts of pure kindness
• Wolves
  

What is this that I have done

A foreign word upon my tongue

A touch so brief to my warm skin

Crossing the border, a line so thin

Unspoken thoughts come to light

Deep desires kept close and tight

So I don't lose this precious joy now unfurled,

I will keep these secrets from the world


Another poem but I am not very happy with this one. I didn't let it flow very well so I feel it is a bit too forced and may read as such. I don't mind rhyming poems but I do better work when I just write and don't try to think about it. Don't ask me what it means because I am not entirely sure myself.

~~Ever so slowly the first tiny screw is loosened from the watch, then the second and the third; each screw gently placed into its storage compartment with a delicate *plink*. Soon the back is removed to reveal the hunters prize. A myriad of cogs and gears all shades of bronze, gold and silver glinting merrily in the lamplight. With a giddy grin of delight the gear hunter slowly and carefully starts to remove the gears. Gear by precious gear they are lifted out and sorted by size and color in to a special box. Once the watch is empty of its invaluable contents the happy gear hunter packs away their tinkering tools and magnifying glasses into their own special boxes and pouches. With their latest quarry safely tucked away they make their way off in search of the next prize.~~


My life certainly is not so grand as this but I was able to partake in a similar treasure hunt last night. I was walking through Pike Place Market and I came across an antique shop that I had never bothered to go into before. Inside it was huge with a wide selection of antiques all from the Seattle area. I had walked down one side of the shop and I was walking back up another aisle just looking about as a meandered my way out. I had stopped to look at something, I don't even know what anymore, when a tiny container of gears caught my eye. I was so excited! I had never actually found gears before so this was a huge discovery. Unfortunately each itsy-bitsy little gear was $3. But seeing those had now put my brain into a steampunk mindset and just a fe feet from the gears was a box full of watch faces, the glass coverings of watches, and one lovely clock center that was full of gears. It was an amazing discovery that I must attribute to my hunting partner Zack. The most wonderful thing is that this eqcuisite clock/watch center was only $10 and full of wonderful gears and cogs. Needless to say I bought it.

After bringing it home (and eating dinner, and watching a movie, and looking at stuff on the interwebs) I finally decided to go ahead and open the watch. This decision lead me on a hunt around the house for a screwdriver tiny enough to remove the screws. Luckily someone had a glasses repair kit which did the trick. Then began the slow process of carefully removing all the little screws and saving them. Everything, screws/cogs/gears, came out relatively easy. There was only one mishap with a very tightly wound gear the shot out of the clock piece and sent a gear flying across the room as it spun madly on the desk. Now I have a collection of gears and no official plans for them but as I attempt to make myself a costume I know I will find something.